Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

      
  1. #1
    Palmetto Steel's Avatar
    Status : Palmetto Steel is offline
    Rank : Legend
    Join Date : Oct 9, 2009
    Posts : 23,379
    Threads : 3263
    Last Online : Nov-30-2015 @ 06:36 PM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

    What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean
    FROM HOLY TACO
    January 11th, 2010



    If you're anything like us, you've raked in a lot of experience almost having sex over the years, and there's a good chance that you've heard almost every sex excuse in the book. But have you ever thought about what all those sex excuses really mean? Well, we have:


    "I'm Too Tired."......This classic excuse is intended to invoke sympathy and compassion. She'll probably say something about how she has a "big meeting" tomorrow, or about how she "is really sore from the gym today", and is in no mood to attend Humptoberfest tonight.

    What It Really Means: You've been slackin' off in the sack lately, and she's losing interest. If you had a dog that demanded to be petted before it would let you go to sleep every night, you'd eventually grow to hate that f*ckin' dog. Now imagine if that dog also wanted to jump on top of you, put its penis inside of you, and paw you all over like a blind bear in a honey factory. You'd kill that f*ckin' dog.


    "I'm On My Period/Forgot to Take My Pill."....Your girl is relying on your complete ignorance of her anatomy to avoid sexual contact, and she's doing it for good reason: you know absolutely nothing about the female reproductive system. What the hell does a fallopian tube do? What do periods have to do with moon cycles? Where exactly do babies come from? You don't know the answers to these questions because while your gym coach was teaching sex education for a week in junior high, you were busy thinking of what embarrassing yet hilarious question you could get the coach to read out loud at the end of class.

    What It Really Means: Since this excuse is a tried-and-true favorite, it's often difficult to discern the real reasoning behind her reluctance to give up the ol' nappy dugout, but it probably has something to do with the fact that your balls smell like wet garbage. Do something about that. Seriously.


    "I'm Not Ready For That Yet."....This is an excuse that you should only encounter early in a relationship, meaning within the first three days or so. She'll present the excuse as if she really does like you. In fact, she likes you so much that she finds herself thinking about you more seriously than she expected at this point, and she just doesn't want to make the mistake of jumping into anything too fast. Sounds admirable, right?

    What It Really Means: She's buying time until she's decided if you're the kind of ******* that she'll feel the least awkward waking up next to. Just try not to be too much of a dick for the next day or two and see how it goes. Honestly, though, if she hasn't decided after three days, she's confused and indecisive and you should just move on.


    "I'm Married.".....The good thing about this excuse is that it always comes up right when it's time to give her the ol' penisillin injection. She'll be in your bed, naked, sweating all over your sheets and muting the Futurama episode that you turned on to set the mood, and then she'll remember that she has a legally-binding obligation to some other dude.

    What It Really Means: Literally, it means that she's married. For your purposes it means that, if you can keep her where she is for about two or three more hours, you'll get a pretty good one-night stand out of it and then you'll never see her again. In other words: it's perfect.


    "You Have to Pay First."...This is a confusing sex excuse that can mean any number of things. It could mean that you're soliciting a prostitute. It could mean that you purchased bride from overseas, and the company is still waiting for your check to clear. It may also mean that you've fallen in love with a woman who's trapped in a vending machine for some reason or another. There are just too many potential meanings to list.

    What It Really Means: This is the best sex excuse a guy can get, because it's the only excuse in which your girl is directly telling you how to gain unrestricted access to her Temple of Doom. With this excuse, she's very clearly saying: if you give her money, then you will get sex. Sure, getting the money may not be easy, but she's done as much as she possibly can to make your game plan crystal clear: if you want to have sex with her, you have to give her some money. It's as simple as that.
    "You only have one life, and you will not get out alive. Make the most of your time and have no regrets." - Me.

  2. #2
    CROSSBONES's Avatar
    Status : CROSSBONES is offline
    Rank : All-Pro
    Join Date : Oct 17, 2009
    Posts : 4,412
    Threads : 215
    Last Online : Aug-15-2016 @ 06:32 PM

    Default Re: What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

    Start eyeballin' another chick and most of the excuses go away! You don'y even have to go that far. Just get interested in anything and many of those excuses go away!

    heard 'em all!!!!!

  3. #3
    Palmetto Steel's Avatar
    Status : Palmetto Steel is offline
    Rank : Legend
    Join Date : Oct 9, 2009
    Posts : 23,379
    Threads : 3263
    Last Online : Nov-30-2015 @ 06:36 PM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

    Quote Originally Posted by CROSSBONES View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Start eyeballin' another chick and most of the excuses go away! You don'y even have to go that far. Just get interested in anything and many of those excuses go away!

    heard 'em all!!!!!
    Yea... I just haven't posted too much lately in this forum, so the subject matter was a stretch...
    "You only have one life, and you will not get out alive. Make the most of your time and have no regrets." - Me.

  4. #4
    Shannon's Avatar
    Status : Shannon is offline
    Rank : Minor Leaguer
    Join Date : Oct 12, 2009
    Location : South Lebanon, Ohio
    Posts : 543
    Threads : 67
    Last Online : Aug-08-2012 @ 12:37 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

    Quote Originally Posted by CROSSBONES View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    [HIGH-LIGHT]Start eyeballin' another chick and most of the excuses go away! [/HIGH-LIGHT]You don'y even have to go that far. Just get interested in anything and many of those excuses go away!

    heard 'em all!!!!!
    That doesn't work for me. Start eyeballin another chick and you'll end up hearing the excuses from her

    Here's my excuse: "I just don't ****ing want to so go the **** away". That usually works

    No seriously, who makes excuses for not doing the best thing on earth. I'd rather be having sex than doing the dishes....just sayin......
    "He had no teeth, and he was slobbering all over himself. I'm thinking, 'You can have your money back, just get me out of here. Let me go be an accountant." I can't tell you how badly I wanted out of there." Denver rookie QB John Elway, on Jack Lambert, after Lambert and the Steelers knocked Elway out of his first game as a pro (1983).

  5. #5
    CROSSBONES's Avatar
    Status : CROSSBONES is offline
    Rank : All-Pro
    Join Date : Oct 17, 2009
    Posts : 4,412
    Threads : 215
    Last Online : Aug-15-2016 @ 06:32 PM

    Default Re: What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

    That doesn't work for me. Start eyeballin another chick and you'll end up hearing the excuses from her

    Touche!

  6. #6
    CROSSBONES's Avatar
    Status : CROSSBONES is offline
    Rank : All-Pro
    Join Date : Oct 17, 2009
    Posts : 4,412
    Threads : 215
    Last Online : Aug-15-2016 @ 06:32 PM

    Default Re: What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

    No seriously, who makes excuses for not doing the best thing on earth. I'd rather be having sex than doing the dishes....just sayin......

    There's still some of you left?

  7. #7
    Shannon's Avatar
    Status : Shannon is offline
    Rank : Minor Leaguer
    Join Date : Oct 12, 2009
    Location : South Lebanon, Ohio
    Posts : 543
    Threads : 67
    Last Online : Aug-08-2012 @ 12:37 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

    Quote Originally Posted by CROSSBONES View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    No seriously, who makes excuses for not doing the best thing on earth. I'd rather be having sex than doing the dishes....just sayin......

    There's still some of you left?
    Well in all fairness, I'd rather really be doing anything other than dishes
    "He had no teeth, and he was slobbering all over himself. I'm thinking, 'You can have your money back, just get me out of here. Let me go be an accountant." I can't tell you how badly I wanted out of there." Denver rookie QB John Elway, on Jack Lambert, after Lambert and the Steelers knocked Elway out of his first game as a pro (1983).

  8. #8
    beerman's Avatar
    Status : beerman is offline
    Rank : Major Leaguer
    Join Date : Oct 11, 2009
    Location : at the nudie bar.
    Posts : 1,241
    Threads : 102
    Last Online : Jan-31-2015 @ 07:44 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

    Hell, IŽd give my left nut just to have the chance to hear one again.




  9. #9
    ShayP's Avatar
    Status : ShayP is offline
    Rank : Major Leaguer
    Join Date : Oct 17, 2009
    Location : Richmond, Virginia
    Posts : 1,020
    Threads : 27
    Last Online : Jul-08-2017 @ 02:09 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: What Her Sex Excuses Really Mean

    What is this sex thing I hear so much of?

Quick Reply Quick Reply

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Members who have read this thread: 0

There are no members to list at the moment.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •