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Thread: Kicking Some More Dirt on the Pats*

      
  1. #1
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    Default Kicking Some More Dirt on the Pats*

    Beautiful

    http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/...0%99-erah.html

    THIS IS THE END OF A FACKINí ERAH!!!!!

    Itís ovah! Itís ovah! I canít believe it! OW-AH PRECIOUS DYNASTY HAS COME TO AN END!

    You ***gots out they-ah cannawt appreciate what you have just seen! Far the past fackiní decade, ow-ah beloved footbawll Red Sawx were-ah the DAWNINANT FARCE in the fackiní National Nawt Baseball League!

    (loiters in Store 24)

    But aftah wawtching two minutes of last Sundayís game against those crab ***gots from Baltimore-ah, it is clee-ah! THE PATS DYNASTY IS OVAH! I canít believe it! We, the legendary fans of RED SOX CITY NATION, nevah thawt it would happen! And now, we ahhhh just anothah team that wins division titles regularly and goes to the playoffs! WE AHHH NAWT SPECIAL ANYMORE-AH! You cannot undahstand what that feels like! THIS ONE HIT US HAHHHHHD!

    (sits on stoop, drinks 40)

    But we Bawston fans ahhh SCHMUCKINí FAHHHHHT! You normal, average fans out they-ah thawt this Pats team was just as good as usual. But we knew bettah! We had a fifth sense about them! Even before-ah the team knew they sacked, WE KNEW THEY SACKED! Thatís why we didnít sell out that playawff game on Sunday! We had a sneaking suspicion this could be the end of an ERAH, so we knew to avoid watching it so we could tawk about why Terry Francona is a fackiní bald ****! BAWSTON FANS AHHH SMAHT ENOUGH TO STAY AWAY WHEN THEY KNOW THEY-AH IS NO HOPE! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

    We knew. WE KNEW. We knew they were-ah done! Belichick? Heís old! Heís lost his fastbawll! Iíve wawtched Keith Foulke, so I know when fastbawlls ahhh lost! Heís ovah 55, and my special laws of sparts say coaches ovah 55 canít win DICK! Even when they ahhh as white and shahhhhp as Billy B!

    (cuts in line at bar)

    And Tawmmy Brady? Done. DONE. Heís fackiní done! When the last time he played well? 2007? THAT WAS, LIKE, FIVE YEE-AHS AGO! Heís 32! THIRTY FACKINí TWO! NO QB OVAH THRITY TWO HAS EVAH WON ANYTHING! AGAIN, I MADE THAT A RULE! NO ONE ELSE NOTICES THESE THINGS BUT ME!

    Way-uh ahhh ow-ah blue chippahs?! Do you see any blue chippahs on this rawstah?! EXCEPT FAHHH FACKINí WELKAH?! I donít! I see a cubbard that is BAY-AHHHH!!! We need to staht ovah! Bill Belichick has made too many moves that I now question in hindsight! WE COULD HAVE DRAFTED SHAWNNE FACKINí GREENE! I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT!

    (walks across street despite DO NOT WALK SIGN, is almost hit by car, throws up hands in anger and gives driver menacing look)

    Is it me, or would trading Tawmmy Brady for Big fackiní Ben make A STAGGERING AMOUNT OF SENSE FAR BOTH TEAMS INVAWLVED?! Or am I crazy? Who would be against this? How could this fackiní trade nawt go down?! I AM THE VP OF CAWMMON FACKINí SENSE! IF I WAS MADE GENERAL FACKIN MANAJAH OF EVERY NFL TEAM, EVERY TEAM WOULD WIN! NO ONE DENIES THIS! I HAVE A PLAYAWFF MANIFESTO THAT IS ACCURATE WHEN ADJUSTED ON A YEARLY BASIS!

    (girlfriend is never seen without a Sox hat and ponytail)

    This is just such a dahhhhk day! Dahhhkah than Derek Jetahís blackie ancestahs! I remembah nawt watching the Pats as a kid. IN THOSE CLASSIC PAT PATRIOT UNIS, THE FINEST UNIS IN NFL HISTORY! We didnít wawtch them back then, because the team knew they had to fight for-ah ow-ah loyalty! THATíS WHAT MAKES BAWSTON FANS SPECIAL!

    (gambles, loses, refuses to pay)

    And now, they will have to prove themselves to us again! Because as fahhh as I can see, this team sacks! And I give up awn it! THE SIGNING OF ADRIAN BELTRE IS HUGELY UNDERRATED! ITíS A DEAL I WOULD HAVE MADE AGES AGO! You people bettah remembah these Pats! Bruschi! Vrabel! Troy Brown! You will nevah see a team like that again. And if you ahhhhnít sad with us today, then YOU DONíT LOVE FOOTBAWLL!

    YANKEES STILL SACK!

  2. #2
    BGK's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kicking Some More Dirt on the Pats*

    It might have been good if it wasn't written by someone trying to be funny by trying to write a boston accent out...as it is, I couldn't get past the first paragraph.
    The only player in the NHL more overpaid than MAF is Jordan Staal

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Kicking Some More Dirt on the Pats*

    That was-ah Diamond Joe Quimby-ah!
    'I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ***-kickers, ****-kickers and Methodists.'

  4. #4
    vandelay industries's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kicking Some More Dirt on the Pats*

    Quote Originally Posted by BGK View Post
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    It might have been good if it wasn't written by someone trying to be funny by trying to write a boston accent out...as it is, I couldn't get past the first paragraph.

    That makes it even funnier.

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    Default Re: Kicking Some More Dirt on the Pats*

    Quote Originally Posted by vandelay industries View Post
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    That makes it even funnier.
    I agree! The fact that the dude was trying to be funny and wasn't, sort of made me crack up. I could see an SNL skit sort of in the mold of the "Da Bears" skit

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