Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: More of my glorious existence

      
  1. #1
    ShayP's Avatar
    Status : ShayP is offline
    Rank : Major Leaguer
    Join Date : Oct 17, 2009
    Location : Richmond, Virginia
    Posts : 1,020
    Threads : 27
    Last Online : Jul-08-2017 @ 02:09 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default More of my glorious existence

    AGAIN>>>MOST OF YOU MAY HAVE READ THIS BEFORE....
    NONETHELESS....ENJOY....

    This was about 6 or 7 years ago.....

    I was sitting in my apartment with my wife one afternoon. I hadn't been drinking (yet) and was just chilling on the couch watching TV. My wife was in the kitchen doing whatever. Like a lot of apartments, the kitchen is just off of the living room/den area and seperated by a "bar type" counter, etc. Anyway, I am sitting slouched down in the couch, legs out, knees bent. I'm wearing shorts and a T-shirt. My wife (in the kitchen area) is to the left of me. As I'm watching TV, I feel a little "gassy." Nothing to be concerned about....just your regular discomfort.

    I felt a fart coming and it just poofed out. After a few minutes go by I happen to touch the inside part of my left knee. I feel some wetness. I'm thinking...as I do most of the time...."What the ****!!??
    I notice that there is a translucent brownish liquid running in small stream down my leg. I am totally puzzeled by this. I didn't spill my drink. I didn't feel anything.
    So I smell it. It smells like ****.....Hmmm.....

    Me: "Honey...I think I just **** myself."
    Wife: "What...did you fart?"
    Me: "No !!! I think I just ****ing **** myself!"

    My wife is looking at me like I'm crazy and starts to approach. At this time, I rise from my seat and see the brownish liquid puddle on my vinyl (fake leather) couch....and stained on my shorts. By this time, the small streams have run into my sock as well.

    Wife: "Are you OK? What's wrong?"
    Me: "I just **** myself and I feel fine !!"
    Wife: "Why...how...are you sure your OK?"
    Me: "Yes...I **** myself !!! But I feel fine !!!"
    Wife: "Here... I'll help you..."

    I stripped out of my clothes ran to the shower.
    My wonderful wife (no sarcasm intended) deserves a medal because she cleaned that **** up.

    I never figured out what was the cause. It was liberating though.
    We still have the couch too. Thank goodness for vinyl.

    ***NEWSFLASH***

    Since then....
    We got rid of the couches and got new ones!
    I never told the new owners of my dookie episode!
    Hopefully they will have their own!

  2. #2
    Les's Avatar
    Status : Les is offline
    Rank : Legend
    Join Date : Oct 10, 2009
    Location : Secane,Pa.
    Posts : 10,207
    Threads : 48
    Last Online : Jul-04-2017 @ 07:08 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence




    Seriously though,doesn't EVERYONE have an embarrassing "****ting their pants" story?

  3. #3
    CROSSBONES's Avatar
    Status : CROSSBONES is offline
    Rank : All-Pro
    Join Date : Oct 17, 2009
    Posts : 4,412
    Threads : 215
    Last Online : Aug-15-2016 @ 06:32 PM

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence

    On a baby blue carpet!

    ShayP................What about the masterbating story? Is that even allowed here? I have not heard the story that you said was coming quite a while back. You did move since then.

  4. #4
    Sweetchuck's Avatar
    Status : Sweetchuck is offline
    Rank : The Elite
    Join Date : Oct 11, 2009
    Location : You need a ****ing canoe to get to it.
    Posts : 3,100
    Threads : 137
    Last Online : Jan-22-2014 @ 04:02 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence

    Quote Originally Posted by Les View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote



    Seriously though,doesn't EVERYONE have an embarrassing "****ting their pants" story?
    Remember that artificial fat 'olean' that they were putting in potato chips?

  5. #5
    Les's Avatar
    Status : Les is offline
    Rank : Legend
    Join Date : Oct 10, 2009
    Location : Secane,Pa.
    Posts : 10,207
    Threads : 48
    Last Online : Jul-04-2017 @ 07:08 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence

    Quote Originally Posted by Sweetchuck View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Remember that artificial fat 'olean' that they were putting in potato chips?
    You **** in a potato chip bag??

  6. #6
    Sweetchuck's Avatar
    Status : Sweetchuck is offline
    Rank : The Elite
    Join Date : Oct 11, 2009
    Location : You need a ****ing canoe to get to it.
    Posts : 3,100
    Threads : 137
    Last Online : Jan-22-2014 @ 04:02 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence

    Quote Originally Posted by Les View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    You **** in a potato chip bag??
    No - Olean, that fat substitute that was hot 7 or 8 years ago. Pringles used it, and I think Fritos. Used to put a disclaimer on the package "may cause anal leakage".

    I had a bad experience with it.


  7. #7
    Les's Avatar
    Status : Les is offline
    Rank : Legend
    Join Date : Oct 10, 2009
    Location : Secane,Pa.
    Posts : 10,207
    Threads : 48
    Last Online : Jul-04-2017 @ 07:08 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence

    Quote Originally Posted by Sweetchuck View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    No - Olean, that fat substitute that was hot 7 or 8 years ago. Pringles used it, and I think Fritos. Used to put a disclaimer on the package "may cause anal leakage".

    I had a bad experience with it.





    Did they really have that on the package??

  8. #8
    Sweetchuck's Avatar
    Status : Sweetchuck is offline
    Rank : The Elite
    Join Date : Oct 11, 2009
    Location : You need a ****ing canoe to get to it.
    Posts : 3,100
    Threads : 137
    Last Online : Jan-22-2014 @ 04:02 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence

    Quote Originally Posted by Les View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote




    Did they really have that on the package??
    Yeah, I didn't notice that until after my.... er, incident.

    I ate a whole ****ing can of those Pringles the night before. Sunday, late Steeler game. Along with a massive quantity of beer. So I get up the next day at 5am and do my daily 7mile jog. It's raining and halfway through I'm like "man, I have to ****". Seconds later that turned into "man, I just **** myself". It was ****ing weird, I had zero control. Nothing like going into the shower fully clothed.

    That was the first and last time I ate that ****.

  9. #9
    Les's Avatar
    Status : Les is offline
    Rank : Legend
    Join Date : Oct 10, 2009
    Location : Secane,Pa.
    Posts : 10,207
    Threads : 48
    Last Online : Jul-04-2017 @ 07:08 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence

    Quote Originally Posted by Sweetchuck View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Yeah, I didn't notice that until after my.... er, incident.

    I ate a whole ****ing can of those Pringles the night before. Sunday, late Steeler game. Along with a massive quantity of beer. So I get up the next day at 5am and do my daily 7mile jog. It's raining and halfway through I'm like "man, I have to ****". Seconds later that turned into "man, I just **** myself". It was ****ing weird, I had zero control. Nothing like going into the shower fully clothed.

    That was the first and last time I ate that ****.
    THAT is ****ing funny.Sorry,Sweet.



  10. #10
    Kipper's Avatar
    Status : Kipper is offline
    Rank : Legend
    Join Date : Oct 8, 2009
    Posts : 67,323
    Threads : 1817
    Last Online : Apr-25-2017 @ 08:36 PM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence



    I need to find an old can of Pringles. I'm sure someone's grandma has a can stockpiled in the basement from the 90's

  11. #11
    Les's Avatar
    Status : Les is offline
    Rank : Legend
    Join Date : Oct 10, 2009
    Location : Secane,Pa.
    Posts : 10,207
    Threads : 48
    Last Online : Jul-04-2017 @ 07:08 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence

    Quote Originally Posted by Kipper View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote


    I need to find an old can of Pringles. I'm sure someone's grandma has a can stockpiled in the basement from the 90's
    Can you imagine having to put that label on every can of Pringles??



  12. #12
    Sweetchuck's Avatar
    Status : Sweetchuck is offline
    Rank : The Elite
    Join Date : Oct 11, 2009
    Location : You need a ****ing canoe to get to it.
    Posts : 3,100
    Threads : 137
    Last Online : Jan-22-2014 @ 04:02 AM
    Sports Logo Sports Logo Sports Logo

    Default Re: More of my glorious existence

    It was Olestra.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olestra

    This condition (normally occurring only by excessive consumption in a short period of time) became popularly known as "anal leakage," which can be embarrassing. Sales were so slow that P&G gave up on attempts to widen the uses of Olestra, and even sold off their Cincinnati-based Olestra factory to Twin Rivers Technologies in February 2002.

Quick Reply Quick Reply

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Members who have read this thread: 0

There are no members to list at the moment.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •