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Thread: Conspiracy theorists

      
  1. #1
    War Machine's Avatar
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    Default Conspiracy theorists

    Now that it looks like charges aren't to be pressed in Milledgeville, the conspiracy theorists are coming out of the woodwork, often from certain other teams' fan base, sometimes with a slightly different agenda.

    Here, to help any conspiracy theorist types, is the biggest Ben Conspiracy story that you might want to borrow and adapt parts of:

    In 1986, aliens visited a small town in Ohio and abducted a boy named Ben Roethlesberger. They augmented his DNA with their own in such a way that, under stress, his mental processes would require three seconds minimum to throw a football, due to the time it took to control breathing rate and focus on the shot.

    They then returned the alien/human hybrid to his unsuspecting family. Ben grew up, played football, went to college and eventually was drafted to the NFL.

    Between winning Super Bowls, he was contacted by a Black Ops unit from Section 217 (a Government sponsored unit that has its HQ secreted below the Groom Lake test beds). They had a special job for Ben, having discovered his augmentation secrets (the ability to recover from injuries quickly was seen as a further bonus if the plan went awry) from an alien recovered amidst downed wreckage.

    It was time for the complicated part of the plan: To use an off-world technology driven time machine in order to send Ben back to Dallas in November of 1963 and locate him, hidden among boxes with a 6.5mm rifle, two windows along from Lee Harvey Oswald. The rest is history.

    Ben returned from 1963 and underwent memory-wiping which unbalanced him a little and may result in some aberrant behaviour.

    The main points again: Ben=alien/human hybrid assassin with secret Governmentally sponsored handlers.

    Is that a big enough conspiracy for ya?
    'I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ***-kickers, ****-kickers and Methodists.'

  2. #2
    kinsar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conspiracy theorists

    Quote Originally Posted by War Machine View Post
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    Now that it looks like charges aren't to be pressed in Milledgeville, the conspiracy theorists are coming out of the woodwork, often from certain other teams' fan base, sometimes with a slightly different agenda.

    Here, to help any conspiracy theorist types, is the biggest Ben Conspiracy story that you might want to borrow and adapt parts of:

    In 1986, aliens visited a small town in Ohio and abducted a boy named Ben Roethlesberger. They augmented his DNA with their own in such a way that, under stress, his mental processes would require three seconds minimum to throw a football, due to the time it took to control breathing rate and focus on the shot.

    They then returned the alien/human hybrid to his unsuspecting family. Ben grew up, played football, went to college and eventually was drafted to the NFL.

    Between winning Super Bowls, he was contacted by a Black Ops unit from Section 217 (a Government sponsored unit that has its HQ secreted below the Groom Lake test beds). They had a special job for Ben, having discovered his augmentation secrets (the ability to recover from injuries quickly was seen as a further bonus if the plan went awry) from an alien recovered amidst downed wreckage.

    It was time for the complicated part of the plan: To use an off-world technology driven time machine in order to send Ben back to Dallas in November of 1963 and locate him, hidden among boxes with a 6.5mm rifle, two windows along from Lee Harvey Oswald. The rest is history.

    Ben returned from 1963 and underwent memory-wiping which unbalanced him a little and may result in some aberrant behaviour.

    The main points again: Ben=alien/human hybrid assassin with secret Governmentally sponsored handlers.

    Is that a big enough conspiracy for ya?
    Don't forget, the aliens also (unintentionally) elevated his libido and transplanted an 18" autonomous cock on him that comes out of hibernation and needs to feed when Ben is drunk.

  3. #3
    Steel City's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conspiracy theorists

    I wouldn't be surprised if Roscoe and Boss Hog got paid off.
    Sweet *** sig thanks to Kipper.Hidden Content

  4. #4
    SteelCar86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conspiracy theorists

    Where is Santonio Holmes when you need him (don't answer that)??? We could have used his pot brain to unravel these mysteries.

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