This guy goes to a doctor and says "Doc, I'm still constipated. Those suppositories you gave me didn't work". Doc says "Did you use them correctly?". Guy says "What do you think I did with them, shove them up my ***?".


Mom's making breakfast for the kids. She asks one son "What do you want for breakfast?". The kid says "I want the ****ing french toast". Mom, a little stunned says "What did you say?". Kid says "I said I want the ****ing french toast". So the mom takes a wooden spoon and starts bashing the kid in the head. Dad pulls off his belt and beats the kid for a half hour. After all that, mom turns to the other son and says "Ok now, what do you want for breakfast?". The other son says "I sure don't want the ****ing french toast".


6yr old kid asks mom "Where do babies come from". Mom, sort of awkwardly says "They come from storks". The kid then says "So who ****s the stork?".


I'm driving along with my wife and she says to me "I want you to kiss me where it stinks". So I drove her to New Jersey.