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Thread: Tavern Fantasy Football Smack talk. Week 3

  1. #1
    bdeff's Avatar
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    Default Tavern Fantasy Football Smack talk. Week 3

    *SHAKING FIST ANGRILY AT DREW BREES* Throw the f'n ball to Colston will ya?

    Ok, so somehow this trainwreck of a team I have is now 3-0. How bad is this? I have scored 147 points, the last place team in Tavern South has scored 144. I play Rippin' and Tearin' this week who are also 3-0 with 182 points scored.

    I feel like a bowler with a 30 pin handicap, wait a golfer with a 25 handicap, no I GOT IT, a fantasy football owner, with a KNOWLEDGE HANDICAP.

    So my fraud will probably be exposed.


    My sleeper pick, CJ Spiller, is apparently still asleep. He must have gotten one of those memory foam mattresses at the end of preseason

    Hey didn't you used to be Brent Celek????

    Exactly how sad is my Running back situation? Well my Kicker Rod "My Sharona" Bironas has outscored my RB unit of Michael Turner, Ricky Williams, Cadillac Williams, and CJ Spiller COMBINED (24-23). In essence, the Michael Turner Burner hasn't been lit, The Cadillac is a really a rusted 1977 Sedan Deville, C.J. Spiller (my sleeper pick) is still asleep, and Ricky Williams is going all Rastafarian on me.


    I noticed my opponents have scored a combined 110 points against my team. The only thing I can figure is that Peyton Manning's, pre-snap reads are confusing them somehow.

    OR MAYBE the fact that I own no RAVENS, PATRIOTS, COWBOYS, BENGALS, or BROWNS is so respected that the owners in this league secretly want me to win and are substituting Melwelde Moore for Rashard Mendenhall?

    Or the Government is somehow involved, maybe Jesse Ventura can make a conspiracy theory show about this? Of course only about 12 of us would watch it, but that would be equal to the number of viewers that his show on Spike TV had.

    Its amazing, Team Gene Yus has scored just 3 less points than me and is 0-3. Medea's Avengers has scored 35 more points and is 1-2. I guess they get up more for teams who's owners contribute actual football content on the board. I prefer mindless dribble (see this article)

    As for the best name for a team award, I go with: The Bastard Son's of Travis Henry, WELL PLAYED. I would have also accepted, The Bastard Children of Antonio Cromartie (if you saw Hard Knocks you get my analogy, if not please click the link because its much funnier than any of the dribble I wrote here today. Its worth the 47 seconds.

    Will someone for the love of God, just one time, throw the ball to Marques Colston? Don't make me sign Limas Sweed, I'll do it!!!!!!

    Did I really think I was getting the steal of the draft with C.J. Spiller in round 5?

    Since I took away about 4 minutes of your life, you can't ever get back, this is your fantasy football correspondent, bdeff, signing off.
    Last edited by bdeff; Sep-28-2010 at 07:29 AM.

  2. #2
    BigBen2112's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tavern Fantasy Football Smack talk. Week 3

    And not one mention of the CommodoreConquerors.......
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    "Like I always say, there's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me,' though, if you jumble it all up."--House

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